Existence

What am I? 

I am one human being out of the seven billion that live on Earth.

Earth is just one planet out of the eight in our solar system.

Our solar system is just one out of the one hundred billion solar systems in this galaxy. 

This galaxy is just one out of one hundred billion galaxies in the known universe.

And it doesn't stop there, the unknown reaches out into infinity. If you look at it with this perspective, we seem so utterly insignificant. We are just a drop of water in the infinite ocean of the universe. But we so often forget to acknowledge the fact that the ocean is made up of millions of water droplets, and without each drop of water, the ocean does not exist. When you zoom back in, through the billions of galaxies and solar systems; through all of the planets and the billions of people; when you zoom back into yourself you will realize that although you are such a microscopic part of this world, you are still you. You have the ability to create art, to write a song; you have people who love you and depend on you; you have fingerprints unique and exclusive to only you. You are enormously significant. You, yourself, are your own universe, capable of creation and destruction. Each of us, each unique universe, uniquely contributes to the personality of our planet, our solar system, our galaxy as a whole.  Even when you feel insignificant, even when there is so much evidence to back up that you, truly, are just a speck of dust floating aimlessly in the universe's atmosphere, remember this:

You are the only you in existence.

You have the power  to create.

You have free will.

You can choose your role in this world.

You can chose what direction you go in.

You can chose what you wear.

What you do.

What you say.

What you love.

What you hate.

You have the ability to think.

To feel.

To hurt.

And to be.

You may think you are insignificant, but you are you.
And that is exactly what this universe needs. 

Take hold of who you are and the time you have on this planet. Do all you want to do. Be all you want to be. And don't ever let the scale of the universe drag you down. Instead, remember, "the entire universe is inside you." Don't stop. Don't wait for anything. Who knows how long we will be here for? Who knows how long our earth will be here for. On one of the other seven planets we share our solar system with, Mars, scientists recently discovered magnetism in old, volcanic rock on the surface. This proves that once, Mars, much like our very own planet, had a magnetic field around it. Mars, once upon a time, could have been a planet just like ours. With a magnetic field, it could have had an atmosphere, protected from solar storms and been capable of sustaining life. And then its magnetic field disappeared, leaving the surface of the planet to be stripped by the waves of cosmic power that surge through the universe. Here on earth, our magnetic field is rapidly losing power. Are we next? Are we to become a barren, lifeless planet? And if so, does it really matter? Our planet is just as insignificant as each of us are. It is just one piece of the infinitely growing and changing cosmic puzzle. As our earth has a magnetic field emanating from its core, we too, each have a powerful field emanating from our hearts. We die, and our magnetic field flickers out. Our earth, too, is mortal. We are each our own planet, our own universe. Keep that in mind next time you feel insignificant. Because, if you believe our planet is so important, remember, you are a planet too. 

You are nothing; you are everything

You are you.

And you won't be here forever. 

Impermanence

One of the greatest truths of life is that nothing in this world will remain here forever. Not you, not me, not we. Not the smallest of creatures or the biggest of mountains. Nothing is eternal; everything is constantly changing, and we have absolutely no control over this. Nothing on this earth is permanent. People die, pictures fade. Fights are ended, and mends are made. It is for this reason that we must learn to live in the present, to be here now. We must learn to appreciate what we have for everything it is worth. Give your everything to the now. Stop making excuses. If you love someone, tell them you love them; show them you love them. Take a risk, follow your heart. Stop making excuses. If you want to do something, do it; fulfill your dreams. Stop making excuses. Stand up for what you believe in; stand up for what is right. Don't wait until tomorrow, for who knows what tomorrow will bring?

The only thing we know about tomorrow is that it will be nothing like today. 

Grab your life with both of your hands, and grab it firmly. Give all you can give. Love all you can love. Do all you can do. Create, learn, explore, discover, love, be loved, understand, question. Do all you can, and do it now, because now, right now, is the only moment in existence. The past is a memory, the future is a figment of your imagination. You are here now, and now only. But now does not last forever. Enjoy what you have for what it is, but understand that it will inevitably be gone one day. Understand that nothing is forever, that things will change. People will come in and out of your life. You yourself are bound to change. Embrace your life right now, and don't be sad tomorrow when the chalk is washed away. Instead be happy that it was there, that you saw it, experienced it, created it. Be happy that life has given you a clean slate; a canvas on which you can create a whole new work of art. Life is constantly changing; nothing is eternal. Don't let this frighten you, don't let this discourage you. Instead, let this inspire you to make each new moment more worth living for than the last. 

Seed

BLANK.

EMPTY.

VOID.

The barren landscape of an empty canvas stretches deep into the horizon of imagination. The bare, white corners poke and prod at the fire of the soul. The untouched surface begs to be breached, broken, decorated, and designed. Paint me, make me, create me. 

Ideas flow in and out of my mind, visions dance along the canvas' edge, thoughts flood my existence.

What to do, what to paint, what to make, what to create?

and then.....

There it is.

The inspiration.

The idea.

The seed.

And in that moment of creation, nothing else matters.

Mix the paints; turn the soil.

Sketch the shapes; plant the seed.

Paint the base; begin to sprout.

Spread your roots (keep painting)

Spread your branches (keep painting)

Sprout your leaves (keep painting)

Grow

keep painting

Grow

keep creating

Grow

Grow 

Grow

the canvas is in

Bloom.

And when it is said and done, when the tree of creation is in full bloom, the canvas is no longer empty. 

Where a tundra of white possibility once was, now stands a forest made of art.

The vision; the seed.

The brush; the sun.

The paint; the water.

The canvas; the soil.

With seed, sun, water, and soil out comes a tree.

With the vision, brush, paint, and a canvas out comes beauty.

Fill your canvas.

Fertilize your mind

Let your tree grow.

Let your imagination flow.

Caged

So often I find myself sitting at a desk in school, mind wandering, soul searching, and completely detached from whatever words are pouring from the teacher's mouth. I find myself saying, "I don't want to do anything anymore." But then I step back, and I realize I could never be more far away from the truth. There are so many things I yearn to know, experience, learn, and try. There is an infinite amount of things I want to do, but there is only a limited amount of opportunity.
Shackled.
Locked up.
Caged in.
I am stuck living a pre-cut pattern. Wake up, go to school, do your homework.
No time to paint, no time to explore, no time to plant a garden or learn a new skill.
Only time to work. To earn a grade.
Only time to get an A, pass the class, get on honor roll.
We are locked up, I am locked up, in the prison that society builds for each one of us so willingly.
7:00am each morning; wake up, go to school, do your work, eat only when I tell you, no doodling, no headphones. Fix your hood, pull up your pants. Do what I tell you, and don't you dare forget to pledge allegiance to our flag. Don't forget that we are a free country, you can do what you want, believe what you want, think what you want, as long as we approve of it first. Oh, and definitely don't forget that you have to be here.
You aren't given a choice.
Not a real one, not one with any options.
Only success and failure are there to chose from.
Freedom is an allusion.

Down,
down,
and
down

Goes any desire to branch out, to be different, to experience life in a way different than what society had planned.
Too tired to fight back.
Too exhausted to forge a new trail.
Too accustomed to following mindless demands.

I want to learn.
I want to experience.
I want to understand.

But I don't want your understanding, I want my own.
I don't want to read in a text book, I want to live out my lessons.
I don't want to follow your schedule, learn for your tests, fix the holes you punched into society.

Unlock my cage.
let me explore.

You say you want to help me reach my fullest potential, but all you have done is clip my wings.

Let the bird out of the cage.
Take a risk.

Let me free.

Beautiful

It is just one of those days. One of the ones spent outside at work, listening to music, strumming a guitar here and there, and talking about life with anyone who is willing to sit down and chat for a while. The sun is warm, the earth is blooming, and everything in the universe seems to be aligned in this exact moment. But I'm not here to write about this moment, or about this weather, or even about this universe at large. I'm here, right now, to talk about the people who make all of that possible. The people who have taught me to look at the world in such a beautiful way. The people who have been there to glue me back together, the people who have been there no matter what. The ones who have inspired me, taught me irreplaceable lessons. And the ones who just stop by on a sunny afternoon, just to talk about life and share with me one of the most priceless commodities man can offer; knowledge. Many days I find myself to be completely exhausted with the human condition; with the people I see around me who are shallow, selfish, and ignorant. My well of faith in humanity begins to slowly trickle dry. But then there are those people, those few, who cause a monsoon of love and wonder and brilliance, and again my well becomes full. This, right here, is an homage to you. There are many of you out there, I know there are. I know this because in my short 18 years of life, I have already found so many of you. You are beautiful. You are wonderful. You are vital to my very existence. This is dedicated to you, this and every single thing I do. This is for my wonderful friends, the one who will always be open to laugh with me and to cry with me. The ones who inspire me to create art, to love, to be who I strive to be. This is for the beautiful people who I may not see too often, but when I do, they always offer a word of encouragement; a word of wisdom. This is for the people I may cross paths with once or twice in life who are genuine, real, and making a difference in this world. For the ones I pass in the street with that look in their eyes; the look of truth, of exploration, of understanding. I love all of you, each and every one of you. You have all taught me so much, and in so little time. I love you. You are beautiful.
Never be afraid to share who you are.
Never be afraid to show what you love.
Never be afraid to sit down with a stranger, and pour out everything.
To talk about life.
Love.
Music.
Inspiration.
The Earth,
And what Lies Beyond It.
Never be afraid to reach out, for you never know what beautiful people you may come across.
And much like with me, these people could change your life,
For the better,
For the beautiful.

Beyond

Love. It is one of the most overused, misinterpreted, abused, and manipulated words in the english language. Yet somehow, love, in its true form, is not seen nor felt enough. Simply put, love is defined as "An intense feeling of deep affection." But, true, raw, genuine love extends far beyond the confines of words or definitions. This love is not just a feeling, it is a state of being. It consumes you entirely. This love is something so cosmic, so different, so unbelievably real, that the word Love, itself, hardly does it any justice. So many times people will toss around the word love, treating it as a given, as something that will always be at their disposal. They act as if simple physical attraction and a successful first date warrants an "I love you." They act as if the mere fact that they are related by blood means love is assumed, provided, expected. They have the word right, but they've got the feeling very, very wrong. I never understood this. I never understood why people hand out their love as if it were something to just give away. I wonder, do these people ever truly love? Do they ever truly feel what it is to feel with every single atom in your body, with every fiber of your being, with every breath of your soul? I don't think they do. They are missing the most vital part of life,; the very core of existence. Love, and be loved. Love is the most powerful force. It has the power to heal, to create, to inspire. And yet, it has the power to hurt, to destroy, and to discourage. Love is not just something within you, it reaches out beyond you. It drives down into your very roots, up through your core, and shoots out through your branches into the very atmosphere that surrounds you.  Love will infuse into everything you do, everything you say, everything you feel. It is infectious, it is consuming, and it is undeniable. But most importantly, love is real. Love is more real than the ground beneath your feet or the sky above your head. Love is your true existence. And yet so many people avoid love. They are too afraid. Too afraid to let go, to give themselves  completely to this sensation. They are too afraid to live beyond their scripted lives. Too afraid of the unknown, of the intangible, the unimaginable, the uncharted. They chose to continue on with the motions of their factory-made existence, and they avoid love altogether. They may use the word, many times in fact. But they will never understand the meaning behind the word; the universe of emotion that comes with the utter devotion that is love. I'm not talking about just romantic love, this is not limited to lovers. I am talking about the true, indescribable respect and adoration for someone. The bond between two beings that not even death could sever. The connection between two souls that extends beyond the physical being. Stop being afraid. Stop wondering what people will think, what they'll say. Stop putting your life on hold because you do not want to upset the flow of the satisfactory life you lead. Don't settle for satisfactory. Don't settle for anything, not yet. You have yet to scratch the surface, you have yet to dive beyond the shallows. Let yourself go. Let yourself love. Only then will you begin to live, to feel, to be.

Reflections

Its strange to look back on it all. I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but it became a pivotal moment for me when I realized that the only person who could determine the life I am to live is myself, and that I have all the options in the world, as long as I put in the effort to reach the opportunities I seek. Its been a crazy experience to begin to accept the fact that I don't know everything about anything, not even myself. not even close. Its been strange (but liberating) to accept that I am part of something much bigger beyond myself, and that I am connected to every single thing in the world that surrounds me. And yet, I have to power to determine what I do with that; I have the power to decide how I can effect this world and better myself (and thus, everything in existence, in some minuscule way). Its almost scary to think about how much power our powerlessness gives us!

Dive

Something that I will never understand is why, when people seek happiness, they begin their search externally. They try to find it in material objects, in far away places, in the people who surround them. And when they discover that happiness may not be there, waiting for them on the surface, instead of realizing that they need to dive deeper, they just throw themselves further into a spiral of materialistic pleasures; of alcohol, parties, gossip, and possessions. Eckhart Tolle once said,  “You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.” Peace, happiness, love. All of these things, contrary to popular belief, all come from a spark that is within YOU. The tragedy is, many people cannot understand that, and for this reason, many people never reach the truest forms of happiness. They never tap into the true potential they have. I understand, though, that it is a hard idea to grasp. We live in a world where we are surrounded by stimulation, desires, temptations, and distractions. How can we ever be expected to look into ourselves when there is so much out there to look at, to explore! But please, listen to me now. Stop. Stop in your tracks. Stop wasting your existence on the petty things, and on the temporary happiness that you have found because of them. Stop this, and begin to turn inwards. Turn, and look into yourself. Look deep, deep into the realms of your soul, into the nooks and crannies of your very being. It is scary, I know. This is uncharted territory. No one has ever been inside of here before, and no compass can direct you in the right direction. But this vast unknown, this deep void of existence, this is real. This is as real as it will ever get. And once you have entered this new world, there is no turning back. The only exit is through the other side. And while, physically, you may be quite stationary during this journey, spiritually and emotionally, this will be the most life altering endeavor you ever embark on, this journey into yourself. You must learn who you are, what you are, and what you stand for. No one except for yourself can determine these things. You have to find your values, ones you will stand by until the death. You must, and you will, discover what makes your soul sing, what makes your mind throb with joy, you will discover what makes you truly happy. You will begin to understand yourself. And I mean truly, really, honestly understand yourself. And eventually, through this understanding, you can finally begin to make peace with yourself. And once you make peace with yourself, then, finally, you will begin to love yourself. To love your mind. To love your soul. To love your very existence. Then, and only then, after all of this, can you enter the outside word again. But this time, you have the cosmic ability to truly feel at peace, to truly experience happiness, to truly love. Only when you find the true roots of these feelings within yourself, only then will you be able to nourish that tree within you, only then will you be able to branch out into the world beyond your own personal existence. If you can get to this point, then you are truly capable of anything. But this is easier said than done. Too many people sacrifice this raw, true depth for an easier achieved, partial existence. They are too impatient, too lazy, to selfish to take the time to give up everything they have ever accepted as truth and to question it, with no guarantee of a defined answer. But it is this mystery, this curiosity, this emptiness waiting to be explored within you, that is where all the answers lie. That is where the truth can begin to unfold. That is where you will learn to exist, to really exist. The universe is inside you.

love.

Love isn’t a thing of convenience, it doesn’t take all of the factors of your life into consideration.

To me, love is increased by ten fold when the person is connected to you even more emotionally than they are physically.

To me, none of this sounds like a mistake.

Growth

Each of us, every being, every animal, every living organism on this earth, start of as something minuscule, something so tiny that there is no way to separate us from the rest of the world that surrounds us. But we all find something to latch on, something that nourishes us. And we grow from an insignificant speck of recycled star dust into the beginnings of life. We multiply, grow, evolve into something. We might not be significant, not yet, but we are something. And from this something we continue to grow, we  are born. We sprout. We hatch out of our shells. From this point on, we have the entire world at our fingertips. We've already made it so far from that insignificant speck into a being capable of life, of love. There is so much potential, so much beauty, in the mere idea of living. Yet this is the thing that people most frequently abuse, their power to really, truly, LIVE. People take advantage of their ability to breathe, to speak, to think, to feel, to love. They waste their breath babbling nonsense. They waste their speech on spreading rumors. They waste their ability to think on selfish thoughts. They waste their feelings on petty desires. But most of all, they waste love. They waste it on material possessions, on the desire to be the center of attention, on nothingness. So many people have lost touch with what it means to be alive. To love. To be. So many take advantage of the miracle that each breath represents. People need to rewind. They need to return to their roots; return to the very seed they came from. They need to realize that they are here, on this earth, and they are part of something much bigger and far beyond themselves. They need to appreciate their ability to love. To create. To inspire. To be alive. 

Awakening

The oak tree’s arms branch out, naked and waiting

For Spring’s warm glow; for Mother Nature’s kiss of vitality;

For the annual rebirth that the universe is perpetually creating.

Trickles from the thawing stream keep time in organic musicality,

Sprouts wriggle through the dirt and sway, like dancers they dart,

Showing the world Nature’s great duality.

Art is nature, and nature is art

Every breath of fresh air is a stroke of life’s brush,

Painting the very earth in which each of us are a part.

We all connect like the branches of an oak, full and lush,

Each leaf stemming off the same trunk, reaching to the same roots,

Pulsating with life, but in no rush

To continue with the ebb and flow that nature does bring,

As the world turns green in a celebration of Spring.

The Unknown

A wise man by the name of Socrates once said, “For me, all I know is that I know nothing.” Its a funny phenomenon, the more we learn, the less we know. The more we discover, the more there is to find. The more we understand, the more we realize that we really don’t understand at all. 
The real beauty in the world is not in the tangible, it is in the ungraspable; 
The unknown.
The real beauty is the realization that we will never know it all, that no one will. 
The existence of the unknown gives the known a reason to exist.  

“Try to break my heart, I’ll drive to Arizona”

It is time to get out. This snow is beautiful as it falls on the trees, the forest is the best playground I could ask for, the river is my second home, but it is not enough. The people here drain me to the point of utter mental dehydration. 

I’ve tried, but I just can’t  handle them much longer. Their egotistical mindset, focused on popularity, “coolness,” and all of these petty things, it drives me off the edge. And then when I try to be happy, they suck the joy out of me. I pursue my interests, and they call me a poser, they say I am trying to be someone I am not. I hang out with new friends, and they tell me I am being superficial and selfish. I do this, I do that, and it is always turned into a negative. Is it really so hard to let people express themselves, to let people flourish? What is it that is fogging your perception of happiness? Those drinks in your hands, those short skirts barley covering your ass, those boys chasing after you, do you really think that is what happiness is all about? Why can’t I just paint, read, dance, and meditate my days away in peace? What is the harm in letting me do what I want? I understand not everyone is like me, but that is what I like about it. I understand I do not fit into your social “norms,” but I do not criticize your interests (unless provoked, such as now). I don’t get why you think it is okay to make it harder for me to live the life I want to live. It has nothing to do with you, so get the fuck out of my way.

I am so tired of it here. This town, this school. I have spent my entire adolescence with the same 130 kids who are in my grade, and that is too much. I want to just up and leave. Go west. Go to New Mexico, Arizona, California, Washington. I want to bask in the shadows of the sequoia trees. I want to howl with the coyotes and sleep under the cacti in the desert. I want to be happy. And yet, somehow, it is an impossible dream for me to reach. 

 I can’t leave yet, it wouldn’t be “acceptable” to break off from society, to leave high school, to go off on my own. I have been crushed and molded into some sick stereotype of what is acceptable to do. Go to high school, go to college, get a job, get married, have kids. Only if I follow that formula, only then, says society, only then can I reach happiness. I give up, society. If that is what happiness is to you, I do not want any of it. 

I don’t want your disgusting version of “perfection.” I am done with you controlling my life. Telling me I have to look a certain way to be beautiful, telling me I have to think a certain way to be smart, telling me I have to follow certain rules to be “good.” 

I am done. I am done following your rules. I am done doing your work. I am done looking the part; acting the part; BEING the part. It is time for me to experience the world. Me. Not the “me” you created and conditioned to live a robotic life, but the real me. The one who has been banging at the doors of existence, just waiting to be given the key.  I am going to go out into this world in the way that I think is right, and for the first time, I can truly say I do not care what you think about that.  Because, society, if you make me so miserable, why would I ever want your respect anyway?